Today is the first day post-transfer that I’m off of bed rest. I’ve alternated between being overly cautious (should I really reach up there to hang that t-shirt?) and forgetting to be careful entirely. Thankfully I’ve not done anything crazy (like hoisting feed sacks), but it only hit me after I’d remembered twice that I needed to refill the humidifier that it might be too heavy.
The reality of the situation finally hit today, too. The last week was all about waiting for updates, tests, and the transfer. Now that we’ve received all the results and completed the transfer, there’s only more waiting. But this waiting is different. It’s harder. There’s only one unknown factor still and nothing that can be done to influence it’s outcome. Of course, I’m still taking my meds as scheduled, but the outcome really has little to do with them at this point (my hormone levels are correct and taking the meds is routine now). The embryos will “stick” or they won’t.
So today has left me with too much time to think. At one point, I very nearly had a panic attack at the possibility, however unlikely, of triplets or quadruplets. Later, I’d all but convinced myself that the transfer had already failed, and the days between now and December 26 were just wasted time to confirmation.
In the meantime, I’m trying to be productive. There’s plenty to do around here on my far too short Christmas break (shortened even more by our seven day hotel stay). There’s house cleaning and organizing, and picture editing, and lesson plan writing and agenda making and syllabi updating and email deleting and online course building and document drafting and training planning, and blog post writing and guest post soliciting. There’s plenty to do to keep busy.
And yet for all the keeping busy that’s happening around here (just today I did four or five loads of laundry–I did NOT lift a laundry basket–cleaned out the fridge, worked on a meeting agenda, copied a semester’s worth of files, started lesson plans, wrote this blog post, worked with two guest contributors on upcoming posts, tried to make Christmas plans, and edited photos) the thoughts keep coming.
And then, when I checked my email for a reply from a guest blogger, I found this message from our clinic:
We recognize that the time between your transfer and your pregnancy test can be stressful. You have invested so much of yourself to get to this point that the waiting can sometimes feel unbearable. As such, we have found a study that has shown that reading the following statements twice a day can help with this waiting period.
During this experience, I will:
Try to do something that makes me feel positive
Focus on the positive aspects of the situation
Find something good in what is happening
See things positively
Make the best of the situation
Try to think more about the positive things in my life
Look on the bright side of things
Try to do something meaningful
Focus on the benefits and not just the difficulties
Learn from the experience
Know that we are thinking of you.”
It’s a nice message and good reminder. And it’s much, much easier said than done.
So here’s what I’ve managed today:
- Try to do something that makes me feel positive: Turning on the Christmas tree lights. They make me happy. (And are totally worth all that damn tree-fluffing.)
- Focus on the positive aspects of the situation: The two embryos transferred were high quality. The odds are in our favor.
- Find something good in what is happening: The blog. The advocacy. The awareness. The community.
- Make the best of the situation: Avoiding all physical intensive labor and taking naps are definite benefits (thanks, honey!).
- Try to think more about the positive things in my life: Editing pictures. It’s tedious and time-consuming, but when I see that shot, it’s all worth it.
- Try to do something meaningful: Again, the blog. Helping other people to share their stories. And I’ve gotten an offer to appear on an internet radio show to talk about the blog.
But now I must go back to being productive. There’s still plenty of house-, school-, and photo- work to do around here, and it all needs to get done regardless of what happens in the next eight days.